you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
