I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
