Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
