Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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