I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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