i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
