apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It's just like the Real World with babies
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
