look no pants
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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