found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
