I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
