I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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