Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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