There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
