you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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