Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
