I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
