So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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