Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
