The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
