Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
