While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
