omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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