Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
