Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We were destined to go to rehab together
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
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