we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
