I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He? As in you personified your dick?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
