That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
