Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
