so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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