You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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