you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
