If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
