Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
