Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
