why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
