woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
