This is not my ceiling
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
