I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
