Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
