how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
