i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
