Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
