Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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