Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
