I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
