You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Randomize
