as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
