Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
