The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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