I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
