Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
